The Bored Fic
by ChicksWithWeirdSenseOfHumor
Summary: Two authors get together and write something completely strange. SEVERE boyband bashing ahead!! (Esp. BSB!)


One day Howie and Nick were skipping through the forest whena big mean wolf popped out of nowhere!   
And you know what that big mean old wolf did? HE ATE EM!   
then he got indigestion   
Yeah, and he had to go to the doctor   
and the doctor shook his head annd said...   
"It's fatal."   
"So the poor old wolf would have died, save for a last minute operation."   
unfortunately... AJ WAS DOING THE SURGERY!!!!   
And he got SUED by the wolf!   
for malpractice... unfortunately, Nick was his lawyer!!!   
Which means the BSB lost lots and lots of money!!   
he escaped the stomach!!   
So he was dumped by his girlfriend cause he smelled bad and uhm,   
His hair never turned to the blonde color again!   
so they were all chilling in a dank bar when Kevin suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder   
And it was a mean-looking 15 year old in spandex and another guy with a braid   
"haha.. our band took over your band's top ten spot!" the braided one raspberried   
"You're gonna pay for copying Quatre!!" another guy popped out of nowhere and began attacking Nick.   
Nick screamed like a little girl and fainted   
Just out of nowhere Relena popped up.   
"NO!!! NICKK!!!!!" she whined and fell against the er, ex-BSB member.   
"Wah?" the mean looking boy said... "I thought that you were obsessed with me!!"   
"Yeah, well, you're just annoying now.." the girl replied.   
Heero growled and reached out for his gun. "Good!! Then I can get rid of you!"   
"No!!!" shouted Howie. "Violence is not the answer!!"   
so Heero shot howie instead   
"waaaah!!" brian screamed. "You shot howie!!" he began to advance on heero with a broken glass   
The braided one stuck out his foot and Brian fell face-first into the ground.   
"OWW!!"   
.... right on to the shoe of a short Chinese fellow. "INJUSTICE!! YOU DARE PUT YOUR ONNA SELF ON MY FOOTWEAR?!?"   
"BAKA!!" the boy yelled as he grabbed onto a very large sword. "TASTE METAL!!"   
Brian wailed and ran away from the psycho kid..   
"Don't pick on my cousin like that!" Kevin sniffled, standing up from his glass of milk (glass of milk at a bar?)   
"Why shouldn't we? And what are you doing at a bar? Aren't you too young?" Duo remarked back.   
"Well aren't you kids too young too?"   
Duo poinned to the gun in Heero's hand. "Member discount."   
"Oh... welll... uh... you still scared my cousin... so DIEEEEE!!!" Kevin rushes Wufei with a baseball bat that he seemingly pulled out of thin air.   
Suddenly out of nowhere a big blast of yellow energy came straight at Kevin. He let out a girlish wail as he turned to dust.   
"Heeey... Quatre!! What are you doing here?" Duo waved to a guy in a Gundam.   
Quatre giggled manaiacally. "Must.. destroy.. ENEMIES!!"   
"Erm, Duo, did you put Quatre in a bad mood when we left?"   
"Nooo.. it was just an innocent little joke.." Duo smiled innocently.   
hmmm... "What?" Trowa yelled, glaring at Duo. "What did you do to Quatre! I'll kill you!" He then chases after Duo, who is screaming very very very very loudly.   
A janitor comes by and cleans up the Kevin dirt.   
"Come on Trowa, I only forced him to listen to an NSync CD!!"   
"DUOOOOO!!" Trowa screamed in rage as he began to shoot at the poor brunette.   
"So.. *hiccup* I was supposed to *hiccup* go to a meeting to *hiccup* discuss peace treaties, but I heard *hiccup* that Nick was coming here so I *hiccup* had to choose!!" Relena chirped drunkenly to a weird-looking guy in the bar. "Hey, *hiccup* You're not that *hiccup* bad looking!!"   
"Get away from me!" The guy shrilled, but Relena jumped him and began making out with him on the floor   
All of the inhabitants of the floor instantly got nosebleeds.   
"Couldn't you guys do that somewhere ELSE?!" Duo groaned, but was instantly stopped as Trowa grabbed him by the braid.   
"That's it!! Barney for you!"   
"Nooo.. NOOOOO!!"   
"I didn't do anything!! Honestly!!" Brian wailed as Wu Fei began taking swipes at him.   
"DISGRACEFUL BAKA! YOULL PAAAYYY!"   
"These are brand new shoes!!"   
"And they will not be disgraced by a dishonorable woman!"   
"I am not a woman!:   
"Well you look like one!"   
"I do not!" Brian sat down on the floor and began to sob. His sobs intermixed with Duo's since the Barney was on at full blast.   
Meanwhile AJ watched, a demented psycho plan in his mind. If his bandmates were so weak.. maybe he should get some of THESE characters to join in!!   
"Now Quatre.. please get out of the Gundam.." Trowa said carefully.   
"Not until I find the menace that is JC!" Quatre snarled. "ZERO SAYS I GOTTA GET RID OF HIM!!"   
"Well I agree with you there but.."   
AJ suddenly leapt on the table and yelled "Johnney No-name is here to stay, but do you guys want to join my new band?"   
"More like Johnney No-voice," Heero muttered.   
Quatre stared down at the remaining BSB with contempt.   
"DIE YOU FIEND!!!"   
"Whoa.. Yay.. GO QUATRE!! GO QUATRE!!" Duo broke out the pom poms while Heero had a big sadistic grin on his face and Relena was dragging the poor innocent bystander out of the bar..   
Brian, having noticed that the weird boy with the too-tightly pulled back hair wasn't paying any more attention to him, suddenly jumped Wufei.   
"Wah! You baka!! Get the @*$^@$* off me!!"   
"Ooooo!" Duo said, his face beaming. "Cat fight!!"   
"BREAK OUT THE ALCOHOL!!" Heero cheered in a slightly inebriated voice.   
Quatre was attacking AJ with a chair while Wu Fei was trying to get that naasssty little Brian off his back. The bartender was taking bets from other people for who'd win.   
Quatre's chair accidently broke over AJ's hard hear.   
"AHHH!! DIEEE!!" Quatre began to kick him. "YOU MENACE!!"   
Meanwhile, Duo and Heero had a little too much to drink and they began to do the can-can on top of the bar while the bartender looked on   
Trowa watched the carnage with his usual less-than-emotional expression..   
"AH! Stop!! MOMMEEE!!" AJ wailed as he curled up in a ball. "HEEELLPP!!"   
"NOO!! DONT HURT AJ!!" Dorothy wailed from the back of the bar..   
"If you like AJ.. then you are my enemy!! Quatre grabbed onto another chiar and began rushing at the evil b.. erm, witch..   
"Hey, *hiccups* Heero.. you know the *hiccups* steps for the cha-cha?"   
*hiccup* "Gee, erm, Duo.. think. *hiccup*"   
"No *hic* problem... tango time!!" Duo and Heero began a rather graphic version of the tango.   
Meanwhile, Quatre was savagely yanking on Dorothy's eyebrows, shouting obsenities at the top of his lungs.   
"Go Quatre!" Trowa shouted in monotone, stuffing his face with popcorn.   
"Stop!! Stop!!" Dorothy wailed. "I thought you were supposed to be the peacemaker!!"   
"Enemy!! Enemy!!" Quatre kept tugging. "Eyebrows must be annihiltaed!"   
"Yeah!! Keep *hiccup* goi.. hefhro!" Duo chimed as he began swaying on the bartop.   
"Then you putsh yer foots hee.." Heero kept dancing.   
"You'll pay for messing up my shirt ONNA!!"   
"I am not!!" Brian argued.   
"FACE MY SWORD YOU WEAKLING!"   
"Oh Heere, you dance divinely!" Duo shouted, putting a rose sideways in his mouth.   
"I knew those ballroom *hic**hic**hic* dancing lessons would *hic* come in handy."   
Quatre suddenly brought up a pair of big@$$ shears and began to clip off the offending eyebrows.   
"Shew tyoo Duo!!" *hiccup* "Heh.. Doo-WOH!!"   
"NO MORE! NO MORE!! MY EYEBROWS!! MY PRECIOUS EYEBROWS!!"   
"I bet on the kid!! He's got the girl beat!! No, I bet on the girl, she's gonna get pretty mad!!"   
Brian slipped out his secret "Boyband" communication and called for reinforcements as Wu Fei began slapping him with a chair.   
Suddenly... 98*, N*Sync, and LFO burst into the bar.   
"Well... we get more excitment here today than usual!" the bartender commented, washing the glasses.   
"MY EYEBROWS!! YOU WILL PAY!!"   
Dorothy began attacking Quatre. Trowa looked up alertly and growled.   
"Eh, Heesho.. ys the fhlorr gwin in ci*hiccups* spinny spinny?"   
"Geesh Doo-WOH, I *hiccup* not shuurrr.."   
"AHH!! MORE OF THE DISGRACEFUL ONNAS!! Help me defeat them Nataku!!"   
Duo and Heero suddenly crashed to the floor, their eyes back in their heads.   
The Shenlong suddenly smashed down a wall, squashing that annoying guy from LFO that always sings (and the crowd cheers!!)   
"CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT!!" the crowd cheered as the two blondes went at it. Trowa was slowly creeping up on them, holding a pack of rabid beavers..   
"Haha!! Take THIS and THIS and THIS!!" Wu Fei cheered as he began to shoot down the boy-banders left and right. "I will rid the world of these dishonorable women!!"   
Trowa threw the rabid beavers into the crowd, hoping one of them would land on Dorothy.   
They did. She screamed helplessly and ran out of the bar. Quatre was staring angrily at where she'd been, but instantly became sober as the effects of the Z-System begin to wear off. He slowly yawns and smiles cutely..   
"Oh great.. stupid dishonorable bakas." Wu Fei groaned as he saw Heero and Duo asleep on the floor.   
Wufei was suddenly jerked forward by a smack from... BRITNEY SPEARS!!   
"You mean mean mean person!" You killed my boyfriend," she pointed to the decapitated Justin Timberlake.   
"YAY!!" Duo cheered, coming out of his drunken sleep just a little bit..   
"Hishya Guys!" Relena waved from the door. "Lookss!! We married!" she pointed to her finger.   
Just then she spotted Brittney and began to growl. "You can't have my hushband!"   
"Well, I need another boyfriend to keep up my ego, so I'll take yours!" Britney negins to pull Relena's hair.   
"You little *!^!^!^ !!" Relena screamed as she began to scratch Britney's face. "He's MINE!!"   
"CATFIGHT!!! CATFIGHT!!"   
The bartender grinned, he hadn't had this much action for years..   
The crowd was given little flags with RP and BS stiched on them as the two battled it out.   
"Mud wrestling!!!"   
A bag of dirt and water splashed on the two.   
With a long sigh, Trowa picked up the sleeping Quatre and Wu Fei lifted Heero and Duo with Shenlong's hands.   
"You onnas," he muttered, almost dropping the two sleeping boys. "Why am I the only mature one here?"   
"Mm." Trowa replied as he set Quatre on the couch. "At least we know better than to ever take them anywhere again without ritalin.."   
"True. Hey, what say we get a burger?"   
"Fine by me.."   
The two tromped off to... where ever they like to get burgers from, leaving the screaming girls still killing each other on the floor.   
In the morning...:   
Duo woke up and yawned when he froze. Laying beside him was Heero, humming cha-cha over and over..   
"IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" HE screamed... like a girl mind you.   
"Wha?" Heero mumbled.   
"What are you doing?!! This isn't a yaoi fic!!"   
Heero opened his eyes and jolted up. "Wha?! DUO!! GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!" he reached out and grabbed a gun from nowhere.   
"Mm.. you guys, go back to sleep.." Quatre murmered softly.   
The two fainted as the noticed Quatre beside them. Quatre turned to Trowa and shrugged.   
Trowa almost grinned. "Must've been a hard night.."   


--we own neither Gundam Wing nor BSB and other mentioned boybands, *like we'd want to* but we were bored and this appeared out of it.. 


End file.
